When dealing with this subject, it helps to understand that every couple is currently either doing something that draws them closer together, or is causing them to drift apart. Every day we make choices about which of these two paths we take by giving more attention to individual preferences and commitments we tend to lean on, often more than we do our spouses.
However, sometimes it’s not a matter of individual interests and preferences we choose independent of our spouses, but simply that life does get busy for all of us. As we grow in our careers, families and life passions, it becomes easy to afford them a lot of attention — often to the detriment of our spouses.
Usually one of you would notice the growing distance, while the other is caught-up in the grind of whatever that’s taken their attention away. So the first step towards overcoming the growing distance in a marriage is to openly talk about your concerns.
Ensure that this is a conversation, not a confrontation. Make it clear to your spouse that you aren’t necessarily blaming them for what is happening. Instead, provide observations about what you feel is happening and discuss how you can work together to bridge the gap.
Make time for one another
If you no longer enjoy each other’s company, establish the reason. Couples who want to avoid growing apart need to simply do the work of being present and building their bond. This can be accomplished by falling back into the habits that attracted you to one another in the first place. Whatever those habits are, you need to be deliberate about paying attention to each other, and intentional about spending time together.
Try new things together
All relationships fall into a routine at some point. It's never really a bad thing, it just means you've reached a level of comfort. But comfort can easily turn into boredom. Because you've gotten so used to being together, it can get very easy to take each other for granted. Once you’ve had this mindset that they’ll just be there as usual, slowly, you can create a distance by not cultivating the relationship as much as you need to. One easy way to fix this is to try new things you can embark on together over time. What’s important is, you never stop making each other feel loved.
Share the burden of challenges
Sometimes couples drift apart because of life circumstances. This is stuff you don’t have answers for nor control over, and they cause you to believe your spouse no longer understands you.
Hiding secret burdens from your partner is a mistake. Being with you, in all that you go through, is what they signed up for when they married you.
Stay vulnerable
It's hard to maintain intimacy with someone when you don't know them anymore. In the beginning of a relationship, couples share their fears, hopes, dreams, and feelings. When you're not sharing your feelings, they can turn to resentments and foster feelings of loneliness and distance.
Own your happiness
Few spouses are nearly as draining as the ones that demand happiness from their partners. What you bring to the marriage has a big impact on what the relationship will be. If you're not happy and you lack a sense of fulfilment, you can't depend on your marriage to provide those things for you.
Develop interest in each other’s endeavours
Developing separate interests with your partner kind of creeps up on you. When one partner decides to walk a certain path without the other, they develop a life of their own. Eventually, you become strangers to one another even though you may share the same house together.
Taking deliberate interest in what each partner does is one way to try reconnect and gain each other’s support. Look for ways you can show care and support for one another.
Develop a shared goal together
Drifting apart in marriage to a world of individualism is guaranteed when each person is to their own. Marriages that last are ones where the couple creates shared meaning; where goals are set and met alongside each other. A healthy marriage involves building a life together where dreams are not only visualised but come to fruition with the mutual buy-in of the partners.
Never allow the fun to fly out of the window
Any relationship can start to feel less exciting over time as the realities of maintaining a lasting partnership and the grind of day-to-day life take precedence over keeping the passion alive. Never stop engaging in the very activities that brought you together in the first place. Be silly, laugh, and go on fun activities and adventures together to help stay close. Having fun together is not a frivolity, it’s a necessity.
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