Now that most of us have blown the budget on too many holiday indulgences, resulting not only in depleted wallets but also less roomy waistbands and sluggish post-holiday brain fog, talk turns to New Year resolutions.
Out come crisp new notebooks, pretty pens poised (or just the boring laptop) to note what we will most certainly start doing in 2023.
For most people the lists remain unchanged for years; they will stop smoking, eating chocolate, procrastinating and overspending online.
They will start running, eating kale, keeping deadlines and saving money.
If this sounds familiar then I am here to tell you to not bother. Give it a miss.
Take a rain check. Don’t make That List. Most of these resolutions are insurmountable and last a week or two if at all.
Rather consider making a New Year’s anti-resolution list.
This should be a list that doesn’t make you feel anxious and doesn’t strike fear in your heart of certain failure. It should comprise just a couple of items.
On this airy, happiness-inducing list will be little things you will not do so that life can be lovelier and you can feel better about yourself.
Sound good? Of course it does.
So for instance, how about deciding not to feel jealous of others.
That person who snacks on junk food and retains a lithe figure with no hint of cellulite or the one who, seemingly without effort, creates wonderful food, knows how to sew their own curtains and has an immaculate house and garden, or that colleague who you know earns loads more than you but is always messing about on social media.
And what about that Brenda who is always jetting off overseas?
Make a list of such people and then simply decide to be unfettered by their successes. Stay in your own lane.
Another anti-resolution could be to not want to be liked by everyone. This can be quite exhausting if you think about it.
Some people are simply different to you and don’t see the point of who you are.
Don’t try to pander to them or shift your value system in an effort to appeal to them.
Does it really matter if Angus from Accounting thinks you are not a laugh a minute?
People pleasers. Here’s one for you. As much as your intentions are admirable, if you tell everyone how special they are to you and invite everyone you know to come and stay at your home and try to help everyone you meet by giving them money/compliments/invitations you will start running on empty.
And, besides draining yourself emotionally, your fixation to please others will also acquire a hollow ring.
There’s a risk people will question your authenticity and sincerity.
Here’s a tough one. Stop blaming others for your failures or mistakes.
Most of the time you could have done something yourself to achieve a better result.
It means being brutally honest with yourself. There’s one exception here; you may blame Eskom for a lot of things.
Stop being so hard on yourself. This applies especially to perfectionists.
So what if the cake you baked is lopsided. Fix it with icing. Does it really matter if you don’t sweep the house every day or if you don’t get 99% for your essay?
No-one’s counting. Do your best, but don’t obsess. Take a chill pill. (Actually, don’t. Unless they’re prescribed.)
Linked to the above, but also a stand-alone anti-resolution is to not compare yourself to everyone.
Yes, Kyle and Chelsea are half your age and own a huge house with those modern charcoal feature walls and an infinity pool.
And Buhle got a distinction without even trying and Bongani is taller than you and doesn’t appear to appreciate it.
And there goes Zisanda who looks great in jeans and Mikey who is a gifted surfer and Maddie who has the best hair in the office. You are not them.
Stop buying lots of little inexpensive things because they are cheap and make you feel better that you’re not spending a lot.
If you add them up this seemingly innocuous expenditure could pay for a school uniform, a new fridge or a travel experience. Or a massage.
Stop thinking your body will remain unchanged after having a baby.
Yes, so royal Kate Middleton has a waifish waist after three children. Most women do not and there are many biological reasons for this.
Stop avoiding going to special places because you don’t know where to park or how to get there or because you don’t know what to wear.
The couch feels safe, but it doesn’t replace the thrill of new experiences.
Stop wishing you were younger. There’s nothing more to say about that. Just add it to the list.
For your own mental health, make up a personalised anti-resolution list.
Don’t let it be an onerous exercise or the purpose is defeated. It should take only a few minutes.
Try to stick to just two or three anti-resolutions to enhance your chances of success.
And then — importantly — be specific about how you plan to stop enacting certain behaviours.
Happy 2023!
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