MISS CONNECTION | I learnt a lot on Tinder, and I’m still single

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In the digital age of love and connection, Tinder has become quite the household name for young singles in search of romance.

If you are not familiar with Tinder, it is a dating app where users “swipe right” to like or “swipe left” to dislike other users’ profiles.

If both users swipe right, they “match” and thus the courting begins.   

I had heard stories about dating apps but had never really tried it out myself.

After a couple of months of navigating life as a single woman in her late 20s, I decided to give the pink app a try.

Creating a profile on the app is fun and easy. Tinder has many prompts to choose from and you can decide if you are looking for a long-term partner, short-term fun or new friends.

You can share your zodiac sign, your family plans and whether you took the Covid-19 vaccine or not.   

Swiping on the app was an interesting experience.

I always thought I was more of a “personality is more important than looks” kind of girl.

Boy was I wrong.

I was judging people for the smallest things.

“Why does your hair look like that?” LEFT

“Why are you pouting?” LEFT

“Oh, you look like you’re shorter than me?” LEFT

Judging people by their looks was standard procedure. 

Tinder’s safety features are pretty impressive. The app prohibits sexual content and will offer the option of blocking and reporting anyone who makes unwanted sexual advances.

It will also send a safety prompt before you send a phone number, giving you a chance to think twice before making any questionable decisions.

The initial swipes were a mix of anticipation, excitement and curiosity.

Profiles ranged from intriguing, charming and at some points, outright bizarre.

There’s the guy who posted six photos of himself posing strategically so his face doesn't show.

Then there’s the one who will post a single photo of a sunset and nothing else.

There’s also the one with an endless parade of half-naked mirror selfies.

Sometimes I wonder if they even receive matches with these lacklustre profiles.   

Some bios were thoughtful and engaging, while others, like me, kept it simple.

Mine simply said: “If you can make me laugh, I like you already.”

My bio seemed to work because once we matched, some guys would immediately hit me with a joke.

I’ll never forget this opening line: “If I was an ant on your spoon of your favourite meal, would you still eat me?”

The ridiculousness of the question had me laughing out loud for a whole minute.

Unfortunately, I struggled to come up with a response quickly enough, and he subsequently unmatched.   

During my time on the app, I encountered more than my fair share of strange men, and unfortunately most of these experiences were exactly that, unfortunate. 

Less than a handful of these interactions resulted in actual dates, very few of them even made it to WhatsApp, but here are a few honourable mentions: 

The gorgeous one who switched up and gave me whiplash:

He was easily the most gorgeous man I have ever seen. We clicked instantly and met up that same day. We had the best time in person and even when he left (he was based in Joburg) we continued our chats, video calls and phone calls until he came back to East London for work.

He returned and that’s when he completely switched up. Suddenly the calls were “too much” and he just became mean towards me. He invited me over, just to literally ignore me the entire time I was there.

He later explained that he had “snapped out of the infatuation”. I mean, I guess that’s OK, but why not say so instead of acting like a 33-year-old child with communication issues. 

The JSE guy:

If ever there was a man who was married to his work and had neither the time nor the interest to accommodate someone new, this was him. While our conversations were great, they only ever happened after midnight because that was when his schedule opened up.

The context of our conversations also revealed a man who was stubborn about how he lived his life and seemed unwilling to make any changes. Why are you on a dating app, trying to meet people, if you are not interested in actually meeting people? 

The one who works at ECLB:

This one was just rude. He planned a date with me for after work, and everything was fine, until I inquired about the time and place as I was leaving the office. This man told me to “go home”. No explanation, nothing. Like, what was the point of disturbing my peace? 

The Windmill guy

This one was great ... until he wasn’t. He was new in town and asked me to decide where we would eat. I gave him options; Café Neo, Windmill, and KFC. I explained how Windmill works and that’s what he chose.

We enjoyed a dagwood sandwich, and everything went well until he told me: “I enjoyed myself except for the part where you made me eat supper in my car.” Excuse me? You had options, you made a choice. I didn’t make you do anything. The manipulation and gaslighting was strong. 

The one everyone vouched for:

This happened five months ago and I’m still getting triggered. We matched on Tinder and clicked immediately. I found out he went to a popular local school so naturally, I asked my friends who attended the school if they knew him. Three different individuals said they knew him, that he’s a great guy, and that I chose well.

We agreed to give it a genuine shot and delete the apps. It was good until I noticed a slight shift in his tone. I then remembered that I never actually saw him delete the app. So I created a fake profile (yes, I’m aware how psycho this makes me look) and swiped until I found him. We matched instantly and he proceeded to DM this fake profile.

So much for a genuine shot. I confronted him and he tried to gaslight me, talking about “I was just judging people’s profiles”. Yho, men and their lies. 

The platonic friend:

This one is probably my only “success” story. Our friendship was platonic from day one, he even came to visit me and bought me chocolates and wine. We still chat from time to time, and he’s never tried to make a move on me, which I appreciate tremendously. Clearly, it’s a lot easier to deal with men when they’re not trying to get into your pants. 

The baby daddy:

The audacity of this one was insane. What are you doing on a dating app trying to pick up girls with a six-month-old newborn at home?

People with children must date people with children and leave us childless people alone. 

The broke guy:

One thing about men, they will have the audacity. “If you have R40 for me to take a taxi to and from your place, you can see me any time.”

I never responded to that text, because what would I even say? To this day I still can’t believe this man expected me to pay for him to come see me. 

The ‘you’re my girlfriend’ guy:

This one spoke to me for less than two hours and decided that I was his girlfriend immediately. I went along with it because I like drama. A week later, he ghosted me after I called him “dude” instead of “baby”. It was delusional entitlement personified. 

The catfish:

All I’m going to say is, if you’re going to use filters and edits to change how you look on the app, what’s your plan for when we meet in person? How do you plan on explaining the massive change of appearance in person? Also, lying about your height is diabolical. 

The one who had a chauffeur: 

This one planned a whole date to Table 58 on a Friday night (if you know you know), complete with a driver to take us to and from the restaurant. He was a big talker, always talking about his plans for himself and for us but after two weeks of just talking and no action, I had to bail.

Also. I invited him to a show, and he said, “sorry I can’t, I have to be asleep by 7pm”. Just say you’re not interested.

I’ve learnt quite a lot during my time on the app.

I’ve learnt about human interactions, about men and surprisingly, about myself.

I’ve learnt that I will not be finding the love of my life on Tinder.

I’ve learnt not to take every interaction personally.

I’ve learnt that men will lie, unprovoked and with no remorse.

I’ve also learnt that just because I give people the most genuine, kind and honest version of myself, I simply can’t expect the same from men.

I’ve seen a few Tinder success stories on social media. One couple got married three months after meeting on the app and are still going strong five years later.

I don’t doubt that some have found their love stories on the app. I haven’t, and that’s OK.

Who knows, maybe I’ll meet the love of my life on my next solo date.

*Miss Connection is an alias