Mother’s Day arrives each year wrapped in flowers, breakfasts in bed, handmade cards and heartfelt messages of love, but the day could also be the start of more sustained support for moms who carry the family’s emotional load.
Because the day is a celebration of care of the countless invisible and visible ways mothers nurture, support and hold their families together, we should be reminded that beneath the surface of this well-meaning celebration lies this quieter truth.
And so we, as spouses and children, should make it possible for mothers to care for themselves.
The thing is, self-care for mothers is not always bubble baths and manicures, although those are lovely. More often it is something simpler but harder to claim.
Time, rest, space and the permission to put their own needs on the list is what busy, overwhelmed moms need.
And this is where Mother’s Day can evolve from a symbolic gesture into something far more meaningful.
It could be an opportunity for children, of all ages, to actively support the wellbeing of the person who has spent so much time supporting them.
My mother was widowed when she had three children under the age of six and my grandparents stepped in to support the family.
My granny cooked and cleaned and helped with homework; my grandfather took us on hikes and fishing.
But looking back I see that I could have given her more space and I certainly could have taken on more chores around the flat.
And because my grandmother tackled so much and was often a stand-in mom, I could have “seen” her more than just a glorified maid.
Because although motherhood is frequently described as a full-time job, this description barely scratches the surface.
Beyond the practical responsibilities of grocery shopping, cooking, school runs and medical appointments, there is the mental load that is usually undervalued or even unnoticed.
Things like remembering birthdays, ensuring gifts and cards are bought and signed, anticipating needs, calming children after a bad day, remembering school schedules, smoothing conflicts between family members and planning for the future.
It is a constant, low-level hum of responsibility that rarely switches off.
Because much of this labour is invisible, it is also easy to overlook. Mothers themselves often normalise it, pooh-poohing fatigue as being part of the job.
As children we rolled our eyes when things got tetchy and mom and gran’s nerves got frayed from burnout.
We swung our attention back to our comic books instead of offering to cook a meal or hanging up our piles of clothes, or just making them both a cup of tea.
Emotional labour can be spread around but we had never heard of this back then.
But really, why should it almost always be the mom who arranges birthday parties, makes sure the school project is completed on time, reminds her spouse about his own mother’s birthday and plans play dates for junior?
If there is another present parent, why should it be the mother who is internally balancing her career, parenting and personal time while dealing with pressure to do it all?
The problem is that over time, being the mom who takes on most of the emotional and mental loads in the family can lead to a pattern where self-care feels indulgent or selfish.
I have actually heard women berate themselves for taking the time to have coffee with a friend or read a book in peace with the bedroom door shut.
Because when every moment feels fully occupied, taking time for themselves can feel like something that mothers have to justify.
But why should they feel guilt or that they are letting their families down because they need to step away occasionally?
Is it because women are socialised into accepting that motherhood entails self-sacrifice and that a good mom always puts herself last?
And because there is limited time when moms are taking care of everything, carving out even an hour to themselves seems undoable.
Sometimes, even when a little me-time is scheduled, something crops up — Johnny has tonsillitis, Amy needs help with fractions before a test — and so mom steps up to help. Of course she does. Self-care plans go out the window.
But self-neglect can lead to burnout and emotional exhaustion can take its toll, and then it is not only mothers who are affected — the whole family feels the fallout.
Because my gran took on most of the “traditional” mother duties for three children, she would often thunder around the flat muttering darkly in Polish, swiping at us with dishcloths, banging her pots more than necessary.
All the self-sacrifice took its toll. Of course it did, because she was unsupported. She had certainly never heard of self-care.
A mother, or grandmother, who is constantly running on empty has less energy, patience, and joy to share.
Minor irritations become major hurdles, her patience snaps and who can blame her for losing her temper? This is not a reflection of her love, but of her depletion.
The thing is that self-care doesn’t have to be elaborate to be effective. Why should she not receive the same care and attention that she metes out to others?
For some mothers, that might mean uninterrupted sleep, a quiet cup of coffee, or a walk alone.
For others, it could be reconnecting with hobbies, friendships or simply having time to think without interruption.
And this is what should be recognised on Mother’s Day.
Because self-care is not selfish. It lays the foundation for the ongoing job women perform in families.
It stands to reason that when moms are supported and given space to take care of themselves, they are better equipped to take care of others.
Not because they are obligated to do it but because everyone performs better once they are re-energised and rested.
So what Mother’s Day can do is offer an opportunity to shift the focus from one-day appreciation to ongoing support.
Spouses or partners can lead the charge, but children are absolutely able to give their mothers space to look after herself.
For younger children, this might look like simple acts of kindness.
They can tidy up without being repeatedly asked to do so; they can give their mothers quiet time to read or enjoy a hobby; and they could take over some of the jobs that mom routinely takes care of.
Nine-year-olds can run a washing machine and hang up laundry. Twelve-year-olds can cook a simple pasta meal.
And the smallest gestures can show mom that she is appreciated and loved. Make her a cup of tea; ask her how her work day went.
Start this Mother’s Day and keep it going because the key is consistency.
A single day of pampering is appreciated, but ongoing support can change the whole dynamic of a family.
Mothers are usually the ones who listen to everyone’s problems, but who actually listens to them?
It is so simple but it is one of the most meaningful ways children can show support and appreciation.
Active listening can lead to understanding that she is not just a supermom but someone who also has needs.
If you listen to her, you will find out what you can do to ease some of her load.
Who knows, if we had listened to our granny she may have told us she was interested in sailing or painting pictures or birdwatching, but we never knew because we never asked.
And so she carried on serving us, with just the odd visit to the cinema as a break from household labour.
All it takes is a simple question. Ask mom what would help her feel more rested or supported. This could open the door to honest conversation. The answer might not be what is expected.
It might be less about grand gestures and more about everyday changes — fewer interruptions, more shared responsibility, or simply acknowledgment. She may just feel undervalued or unseen.
Listening also means recognising boundaries. If a mother expresses the need for time alone, respecting that request is an act of care in itself.
There is often pressure to make Mother’s Day perfect — the ideal gift, the ideal lunch, the ideal outing. But perfection is not the goal, connection is.
This is not to say mothers will not appreciate flowers, candles or perfume, but a thoughtfully chosen action that genuinely supports a mother’s wellbeing is far more meaningful than an elaborate but fleeting gesture.
Instead of focusing solely on what will impress, children can consider what will sustain.
What will make the days after Mother’s Day easier? What will lighten the load in a lasting way?
This might mean setting up systems that continue beyond the holiday — like a shared chore schedule, regular check-ins or designated “quiet hours.” These are not traditional gifts, but they are deeply impactful.
When children learn to value their mother’s wellbeing, they also learn something bigger — that care should flow in all directions.
They see that relationships are not just about receiving support, but also about giving it.
This has a ripple effect. Children who grow up understanding the importance of self-care and mutual support are more likely to carry those values into their own relationships.
In this way, supporting a mother’s self-care is not just an act of gratitude; it is a lesson in empathy and kindness.
Of course, the responsibility for a mother’s wellbeing is not just up to her children. Partners, extended family, workplaces and communities should all play a role.
However, within the family unit, children’s contributions, no matter how small, can make a difference.
This is where other adults in the family can show the way, especially when it comes to much younger children.
This way Mother’s Day can be just the starting point that leads to ongoing change.
Children are busy, too, and have their own load of pressures, but showing their mom appreciation, respecting that she needs time to herself and pitching in with household chores can lead to a happier mom and a happier household.
The most valuable gift children can give their mothers is not something that can be wrapped.
It is the gift of consideration — noticing when she is tired, stepping in without being asked, and recognising that her needs matter just as much as anyone else’s.
Make it clear that she is allowed to rest and to take time for herself without guilt.
It is the gift of partnership that demonstrates that looking after the needs of a family are not a one-way street; they are not mainly up to mom.
In celebrating mothers, the goal should not only be to thank them for everything they do, but to ensure they have the space and support to be more than what they do. To rest, to recharge, and to be cared for in return.
Because the truth is simple — when mothers are cared for, everyone benefits.
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