When Ntombozuko Matshamba left her abusive marriage in 2018, little did she know that a couple of years later she would record her experience in writing, as part of her healing.
Qonce-born Matshamba said she had written her first poem, Uthando, in 2020 when a cousin died at the hands of a man.
Three years later, the 36-year-old compiled and published her 30-poem anthology titled Umabuy'ekwendeni, which translates as 'the woman who escaped her marriage'.
The volume has gained popularity and touched lives.
“I wrote my first poem during the global pandemic. “Uthando” was a tribute to my cousin" boy.
Matshamba explained that her cousin had died because she had wanted to escape an abusive relationship.
Matshamba said poetry had always been a part of her life, but when she married she had neglected it.
“I left my marriage in 2018 because it was toxic. I was abused verbally and emotionally.
“I've decided to tell my own story rather than let others tell their version of me. My inspiration comes from my life experiences.”
— Matshamba
“ l left because I wanted to live. I left because I chose the wellbeing of my children.
“And I left because I was tired and drained of being a good wife and daughter-in-law for everyone else, while I was losing myself in the process.”
She said alcohol had played a major part in her abusive marriage.
“I have learnt that most married couples have childhood traumas that they never dealt with.
“You get married to this person and you can see [there are issues] that have nothing to do with you, but he doesn't want to talk about it.”
“Writing is my therapy. When you complain in public about your problems you become the laughing stock in the community.
“I have found peace in writing. Pouring my feelings and tears onto paper is the best feeling ever.
“I've decided to tell my own story rather than let others tell their version of me. My inspiration comes from my life experiences,” she said
People in abusive relationships or marriages need to seek support and love from their own families.
“This needs to start with our own families. Most parents want their daughters to go back to abusive marriages because they can't stand the shame coming from their churches and community members.
“I advise parents to love and accept their daughters.”
She said her anthology was inspired by ideas that came to her.
“I write about everything that comes to my mind. The emotion that triggers me is sadness. I write a lot when I'm sad, motivated by my experience.”
Women invest a lot in marriages and relationships which sometimes clouds their judgement when they need to escape gender-based-violence situations.
“We invest a lot in our marriages, love, feelings, and everything with no intention of leaving, but the situations that we find ourselves in give us no choice but to leave.”
She said remaining in a toxic marriage for the sake of both parents raising the children was killing the future of those children.
“You introduce them to unsafe spaces and they are more likely to go onto the streets and be influenced into using drugs. This can also affect them later in their marriages.”
DispatchLIVE
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